Job Title (and then what?)

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Greetings! 

This is not the most cheerful post!

A lot has happened, and yet nothing has happened. I'm busying myself with things. I am busy with work, eating, sleeping, visiting, committing, sticking to my commitments, self-advocacy, whatever else. I have a better grasp on who I'm going to be (a minuscule difference, compared to others probably) and a better grasp on what I want my changes to look like soon. Everyone is wrapped up in blankets and shuffling in the cold and doing things and not doing things, and everything feels busy. I am a shuffler.

I feel really productive when I am busy. I am making commitments and making art and asking for help when I need it, but the catch is that I have to stay committed or stay on the ball or eat right or make sure I'm walking every day or going out at least (easy with a standing job like mine) when all I want to do is sleep for as long as possible, get up, eat, play Skyrim, watch Netflix, and curl up again. The second comforter is on the bed and we switched from the fan to the space heater. It would be so easy to curl up.

Except I have obligations. I cannot quit. I'm getting ready to find new work (I'll have to work two jobs for a while). I've committed to seeing my friends, I want to take the steps necessary to move on to a better job, but I am so busy with my current job that 5 applications exhausts me after a day of work (and do I really want to be selling novelty breath mints?), and since the nighttime comes so early, and the frigid cold is so difficult without a car, there is little to no time to do things.

I can be better, I deserve better, I will stop at nothing, I am exhausted.

Vs.

I am fine, but broke. I am maintaining, I am sleepy, I am warm.

The weeks have gone by and it's almost Thanksgiving and I just today took down the Halloween decorations. Where did October go? What is happening with November? Why is it almost Thanksgiving? I am not ready for Christmas. Time is escaping me and I don't want to be 85 years old and wondering what happened to my 20's. What happens to me and James when this lease is up next August? Where will we go? Where will we live? How will we afford it? How will we spend our time together? Can I even pass a credit check?

Goals:

(loose and in no real order/structure)

Cosmetology school

Art school (job?)

Driver's permit

Driver's license

Car

New job (ideals: caregiving, art, non-profit)

Save money

Spend more quality time with friends

Clean room

Make and sell art

Get boots for winter

Get a coat that fits

Find a physical/mental balance

That's all for now. Hopefully my next post will be more positive!

XOXO

Cher - "Believe"