I keep writing in my personal journal about how many changes I want to make. I want to be healthier, I want to Follow My Dreams™ and the list of shit I want to do always surpasses she shit I actually am already doing. I want SO much that it can be hard at different points during the day to fathom getting started on even simple steps to get there and to Do It.
I have no advice for others (other than the usual "hey maybe talk about it or write about it I guess") and I am Not Qualified to give advice anyways. in fact it's always disappointing from my perspective to give advice and then watch the other person just.... not.
I think it has a lot to do with the new year and how I think I can do anything and I preach that I can do anything and when it comes right down to doing it, I just fucking CANNOT start doing it. Or I start and then stop just as easily.
In no particular order and to get it all out there:
I want a new job doing something I love to do for at least $15/hr.
I want to learn how to jog and go to a gym and afford running shoes and wear size 14 jeans.
I want to be a great vegetarian who cooks her own meals and can go shopping once a week for veggies.
I want a clean house that functions well, and this includes being a homebody who schedules seasonal cleaning and fix-it tasks and finishes them.
I want to quit smoking.
I want to work with kids and I especially wanna work in art or with animals.
I want to be kind to others and be a positive reinforcement wherever I am.
I don't know what it means and I don't know how to want these things hard enough to DO THEM.
Is it my mental illness (which I'll save for a different blog post) that keeps it from happening or is it just me? is it the cultural expectations or is it just me?
see you in 2018, with or without answers.
