Home Again on a Dream Boat: Time Keeps on Slipping, Slipping, Slipping... INTO THE FUTURE

Greetings!

A lot has been going on for me so I haven't updated too much, I think it's pretty silly to go on a hiatus when I get all excited about blogging and stuff, but I think time really has just slipped by. Let's see, so the last time I posted was around Thanksgiving! Holy shit, okay. Sorry about that*!

1. I GOT A JOB! A super rad one! I am a caregiver/personal assistant for a non-profit called United Cerebral Palsy (UCP) and I go to my client's house, hang out, make dinner, do chores, talk about stuff, give meds and we watch a lot of basketball and golf! I get a lot of downtime, so I spend it reading (I'm working on lots of books right now actually, so there is a book list towards the end of this post!). I got the job in January, and it's my first really grown up job, and I've passed the probation period at this point, so I'm just settling in and enjoying my time with my client!

2. Christmas was MAGICAL. I got lots of very special gifts, but the most special one and closest to my heart is... A WACOM PEN TABLET! (for drawing on the computer) James, Matt (James' brother), Susanne (James' mom) and Tom (James' dad) ALL got together to get it for me and I've been wishing for it for so long, I cried like a little baby. It was just so sweet! I've been practicing using it a lot and I'm actually getting better!

3. WE MOVED! We had some unexpected changes at our old house and James and I decided to look for a place to live, just the two of us! We had lots of time to look, but it was super stressful, and we applied to a couple places, but we ended up finding a studio apartment for an alright price (now that i can afford it, with my JOB!) and we moved in March! We had lots of help from Matt, Tom and Susanne! It's SO CUTE, and even though it's small, it's just the coziest little space for James and I. It is very obviously from the late 60's - early 70's, and it has a tiiiiiny kitchen that we have modified with a table, and what REALLY sold me on it was a BUILT IN VANITY!!! We had to have it. I can jog from one end of the balcony to the other! My plants are loving it out there! Especially since my parents visited and bought us a cute little faux-wicker outdoor set, and a big long planter box, soil and plants! We got hyacinth, daffodils, oregano and pansies!

4. I made a huge mistake that I will never ever make again, and I got one digit wrong on our new address for a huge order from amazon, and I've spent I think, three weeks? trying to figure it out and it's horrible and so silly. I spent a lot of money on the things we needed for the apartment, and I've called EVERYONE who could possibly help! siiiigh. it's almost over.

I have a really good feeling about this year, because so far it has been so full of change and I feel like I've really been stepping up when problems arise, and doing my best effort to work hard and make money so we can even out, budget-wise (the move was pretty difficult, financially, and we are paying a bit more for rent, so it's just taking some getting used to). I would really like to get to a place where I can save money, because I still have so much I want to do, and I really need a scanner so I can transfer a bunch of drawings over and color them or redesign things.

This post really spoke to me while I was scrolling through tumblr yesterday:

"Honestly one of the most important things I can say I've learned as an artist is that if you feel like you’re really stagnating, that probably means you’re seeing problems in your work that you have never been able to see before, but you haven’t figured out how to fix them yet. You’re not really stagnating,Your understanding of drawing has moved beyond your current execution. Once you have finished processing the problems you’re suddenly seeing, you’re likely to correct them and suddenly make a huge breakthrough in your drawing. Don’t push yourself, either. Sometimes you have to remove yourself from a problem temporarily to solve it, just don’t give up drawing altogether."

I honestly have to ask myself every day if I feel like I'm good enough to do commissions, and if I am a Real Artist, but honestly like artists get enough shit from society as a whole regarding legitimacy and validation as artists, that to do it to myself is just adding to that, and torturing me while I still don't get anything done, and that's TOTALLY UNFAIR TO ME. I deserve a lot better, especially from myself. Amanda Palmer talks a lot about this in a much more coherent way in her BEAUTIFUL book, The Art of Asking.

I feel like my art is going in a different direction, and it's in the in-between place right now, but it's not holding still, which is wonderful! I really just have to spend all of my alone time working on art, you know, which can be hard because nobody is here to tell me "YOU NEED TO DO THE THING" (I just started watching Steven Universe with James and I'm so tempted to marathon it instead, so any effort is good) but I'm pretty proud of myself because I got really inspired last week and made a painting in about three days and my dear friend Pixi saw it and fell in love and she bought it!

I hope you are all doing well, I know some of you just started spring term and I know it's tough but hang in there! Soon enough its going to be summer and you and I can drink Slurpees at the park by my house!

*but also this might happen again and again until the end of time, just pretend it's on purpose!

READING LIST:

Trigger Warning - Neil Gaiman

Men Explain Things to Me - Rebecca Solnit

The Art of Asking - Amanda Palmer

Almost a Woman - Esmerelda Santiago

The Book of Unknown Americans - Cristina Henriquez

The Ocean at the End of the Lane - Neil Gaiman

Wide-Eyed - Trinie Dalton

Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women - Elizabeth Wertzel

James and I also watched a documentary on netflix about Dan Harmon, the creator and writer for Community called Harmontown, and it's fantastic! Dan Harmon's podcast can be found HERE, They play Dungeons and Dragons! It's hilarious.